We’ve all been fed a load of rubbish about what the opposite sex wants.
Men hear they need to be alpha, unreadable, and dripping in designer labels. Women are told to play hard to get, bat their lashes, and pout in filtered selfies until a man falls at their feet.
But here’s the truth: a lot of what you think turns people on… actually turns them off.
We spoke to real men and women to get the lowdown on what genuinely attracts someone… and what’s just a myth. Let’s break down both sides.
What Women Think Men Love… But They Don’t
- Playing Hard to Get
A little mystery’s fine — no one’s asking you to reply in 0.2 seconds. But the whole “wait three hours to text back,” “never initiate plans,” “act like you don’t care” thing? It doesn’t make you look desirable. It makes you look disinterested. Or worse, manipulative.
“There’s a difference between confidence and just being emotionally unavailable,” says Will, 31. “If I feel like I’m being tested instead of talked to, I’m out. It stops being flirtation and just starts feeling like work.”
Men don’t want to beg. They just want to know if you’re actually into them — or if they’re just part of a game.
- Going Overboard with Filters or Fillers
We’re not shaming surgery or selfies. We’re talking about overcurating to the point where you no longer seem human. When your Instagram looks like a FaceApp ad and your real-life face doesn’t move, it’s more confusing than it is sexy.
We asked Inez – one of the cheap London escorts who literally get paid to be attractive — what she’s learned from male clients.
“At first, I thought I had to look like an Instagram model 24/7,” she said. “But honestly? The guys always compliment me more when I go light on makeup and look like ‘me.’ They’ve seen enough filters online. In person, they just want you to look real — and happy with how you look.”
It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence. There’s a difference between enhancing your features and erasing them entirely.
- Chasing Social Media Validation
Having a solid Instagram isn’t the problem. But if your vibe is “main character with a ring light,” it starts to feel less like dating and more like auditioning for a cameo in your feed.
“She’d post everything. Us at dinner. Her outfit. Her cocktail. Then she’d zone out scrolling for likes the whole time,” says Adam, 29. “At one point, I realised I wasn’t even part of the moment. I was just part of the content.”
Men aren’t expecting you to delete your socials. But if your energy is always online, it’s hard for them to believe you’ve got any left for them.
- Trying to Make Him Jealous
You think it’ll spice things up. That dropping your ex’s name or flirting with the bartender will make him try harder. But most guys don’t see it as playful. They see it as immature.
“We were out for drinks and she kept bringing up this guy who ‘used to take her there,’” says Luke, 34. “It felt weird. Like I was being tested. So I paid for the round and left. I don’t do competition dates.”
Attraction isn’t built through mind games — it’s built through connection. If you want his attention, give yours first.
- Going Full “Bad Bitch” Mode
Being confident? Yes. Being independent? Absolutely. But if your entire persona screams “I don’t need anyone” — don’t be shocked when no one sticks around.
“I’m all for a woman who knows her worth,” says Liam, 34. “But if you act like I’m lucky just to breathe the same air, what’s the point? It’s not empowering. It’s cold.”
Men are drawn to strength — but they also want to feel welcome in your world. If you make them feel like an outsider, they’ll stay one.
What Men Think Women Love… But They Don’t
- Acting Like a “Nice Guy” (Who’s Not Actually Nice)
Kindness is attractive. So is emotional maturity. But pretending to be a good guy just to get laid? Women see through it fast—and once the act slips, it’s hard to come back from.
“He was all ‘you’re amazing’ and ‘I really respect you’ after one date. I wasn’t feeling it and told him gently—and he instantly flipped. Started insulting me, saying I wasted his time,” says Rachel, 27. “You can’t fake being nice. If it’s just a tactic, it shows. Being respectful isn’t a strategy. It’s a bare minimum.”
- Showing Off Money, Cars, Watches
Confidence is attractive. But when your whole identity revolves around status symbols, it doesn’t come across as powerful—it comes across as insecure.
“He rocked up in this flashy rental, name-dropped five brands before we’d even ordered drinks, and didn’t ask me a single thing about myself,” says Nadia, 30. “It felt like I was on a business pitch, not a date.”
You can have nice things. Just don’t act like they’re the most interesting thing about you.
- Going Full “Alpha Male”
If your dating style is ripped straight from a red-pill podcast—think cold behaviour, vague dominance, and playing hard to get—don’t be surprised when she ghosts.
“He barely asked me anything, barely smiled, and acted like texting me back would ruin his masculinity,” says Amelia, 31. “I get it—you think it’s mysterious. But to me, it just felt like emotional constipation.”
Real confidence isn’t about control. It’s about being safe, present, and real.
- Non-Stop Compliments on Her Looks
Of course, women love being told they’re beautiful. But if all you notice is how hot she is—and you keep saying it on loop—it stops feeling special and starts feeling shallow.
“Every other sentence was ‘you’re gorgeous’ or ‘you’re so sexy.’ I appreciated it the first few times, but after a while I was like—do you even know what colour my eyes are?” says Lily, 26. “It felt like he didn’t actually want to get to know me. Just wanted me to know he was horny.”
Compliments work best when they’re thoughtful, specific, and balanced with actual interest.
- Trying to “Fix” Her Problems
When a woman vents, she’s not always asking for a 12-step solution plan. Sometimes she just wants you to listen—without reaching for your imaginary clipboard.
“I was having a rough week and said I felt drained. He immediately started telling me how to restructure my calendar,” says Emma, 29. “I didn’t want coaching. I just wanted someone to say, ‘Yeah, that sounds shit. Come here.”
You don’t have to fix it. You just have to feel it with her.
The Bottom Line?
Most of us are out here trying to impress people with ideas that don’t actually land. We’re mimicking what we think is attractive—when often, it’s the opposite.
Women don’t want cold, unreadable men who treat emotional availability like weakness. And men aren’t turned on by women who act like they’re too cool to care or hide behind filtered versions of themselves.
What we’re actually craving—on both sides—is effort. Curiosity. A bit of spark that doesn’t feel forced.
So ditch the performance. You don’t need to flex harder, flirt smarter, or play games better. You just need to show up—interested, open, and unapologetically yourself.
