Assimilated to the porn universe, facial ejaculation returns a humiliating image for women. Nathalie Giraud-Desforges, a sex therapist and a couple therapists, decrypts this sexual practice with a sulfurous reputation.
“The breast and face of your friend must be inundated with proofs of your brother’s virility,” wrote the Marquis de Sade in his book “La Philosophie dans le boudoir” in 1795. As far as we can remember There was no mention of facial ejaculation before Sade as a sexual practice. “In the brothels of Pompeii, we found frescoes where were represented belt girdles, blowjobs, cunnilingus… There is mention of female ejaculation but never the face, even in Kamasutra,” says sex therapist Nathalie Giraud- Desforges. Even the specifications of the brothels in Paris did not mention it.
We have to wait until the 1980s with pornographic films for this sexual practice to be unveiled. And if the porn did not invent, we could consider today that they have brought it to light. “It’s a visual practice, and what is seen is established later in people’s minds,” says the specialist. What is disturbing is that there is only one point of view in porn. And it would be these films that would lead us to think today that facial ejaculation is a degrading and humiliating practice for women: it’s an X-film practice where only the guy seems to get his feet off to see his partner to take sperm in the eye. “In addition, the girl seems to like it exaggeratedly so it must sting,” jokes Nathalie Giraud-Desforges. Sarah, 30, considers that mutual respect in the couple is essential so that this practice is not degrading. “What’s going on in our bedroom is not a porn movie.”
Does facial ejaculation involve a relationship of domination?
For the sex therapist, the feeling of domination is inevitable in this practice. But nothing is negative. “One must always keep in mind that in the relationship of submission and domination in sexuality there is a choice. If we do not like it we stop, there is a frame, “says the sex therapist. The problem in porn is that there is no framework of choice, which makes the practice questionable.
Because as in many practices it is the intention that one puts there that defines the image that one receives. “In porn, there is a humiliating image that comes out because we have the impression that the man is relieving himself and that it is not a sharing between two people who love each other,” says Nathalie Giraud-Desforges.
This dominated-dominant relationship can be disturbing for those who receive. But can also be for the person who transmits. “Some have the feeling of dirtying their spouse. It can shock the person who ejaculates to see the other with sperm on the face, “adds the specialist. Mathieu, 27, once tested the practice: “It was with a girl who loved it, and at the beginning, it can be weird, but it did not bother me because the girl agreed”.
Can facial ejaculation give pleasure?
In 2014, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that domination was the most common fantasy, whether one is a man or a woman. So why does facial ejaculation seem to have no place among these fantasized practices? “Because the place that receives sperm is not trivial. It’s heavy sense, the face, “says Nathalie Giraud-Desforges. “When ejaculation is oral, it is an extension of pleasure in duo. The face is something else. He recalls the spit, the slap. Sexual practices are above all a place of discovery where partners seek a “middle ground” in their sexuality. For those who practice facial ejaculation, it is even sometimes a role play between the two people.
“The pleasure is purely cerebral, for both sexes,” says the sex therapist. While man finds a physical pleasure in ejaculating, but no erogenous zone outside the male sex is invited in this practice, although the mouth remains sensitive and the face is the place of the five senses. “The excitement is often born pornographic images that took the time to fantasize in a personal scenario,” says the specialist. Indeed, what often attracts men in this practice is usually the unconventional side. Facial ejaculation can be perceived as indecent. Its transgressive nature brings some of the spice to the relationship.
For Nathalie Giraud-Desforges, facial ejaculation is a practice that depends on the intimate culture of each, as well in the barriers that we set not to try it and what we feel. It is a practice that finally makes us feel responsible for our pleasure and that of the other. “It’s a way of saying,” I’m enjoying myself, “and I have power because I brought pleasure,” she explains. But it is conceivable that the course is challenging to cross, and that it is not a practice that we test as we will try a pair of shoes. Besides, the sexologist suggests that it is better to start with another part of the body like the belly or the breasts. Receiving the sperm of his partner would be like becoming the mistress of his ejaculation and pleasure. Enjoyment is in our hands.
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